I am still in the process of finishing this ghazal. Here is a sneak preview.
रहर पूरा गर्ने प्रक्रिया बताई छाड्यौ आखीर !
खाली पाउले आगो माथी नचाई छाड्यौ आखीर !
एक्लै नपिउने बाचा बचाउन साथ दिनै प-यो
म पिउदै नपिउनेलाई पिलाई छाड्यौ आखीर !
उत्कर्ष अनुभव गराई दिन्छु भन्दै नङ्ग्यायौ
म पतित भएको प्रमाण जुटाई छाड्यौ आखीर !
म शुन्य गतिमा छु त्यसमाथी छन् नेल गोडामा
घुमेर फनफनी रिङ्गटा लगाई छाड्यौ आखीर !
तिमीलाई जिताई स्वत: खुशीयाली मनाईयो
हारलाई स्वभाबिक मान्न सिकाई छाड्यौ …
……आखीर !
न बोल्नु प-यो न कुनै हाउभावै देखाउनु प-यो
तिमी प्रतिको आशक्ति चाल पाई छाड्यौ आखीर !
परिस्थितिको फाईदा उठाउने पाठ सिकेछौ
मर्दैछ जरा त टुप्पाबाट पलाई छाड्यौ आखीर !
Mabi is right.His lines have Women Drink and Sex attachments when he was after some attractive lady. She made him drink, She involved him into impractical/illegal deeds, made him naked and left him, which proved that MABI is morally depleted.
Anil Sharma wrote:
“ke jindagi lai harne sabai nepali gajal kar ko sur ra bhab autai huncha ta?”
Anil jee,
Thank You for your comment. I think those who attempt to write starve for comments- good or bad.
I do not consider myself a gazhalkar yet for I have yet to learn so many things.
There is something in ghazal called उक्ति बैचित्र्य (ookti baichitrya)- which literally means that you express/say/write things you percieve/see/read/feel/experience/hear etc in a different way which will be interesting/touchy to the reader/critique/consumer. The difference between poetry and ghazal is that, poetry is elaborative (uses lots of words to express) compared to ghazal which is concise (uses few words to mean a lot). As we are different individuals and percieve things differently, means every one expresses differently.
Also ghazals are known for delivering multi-layered meanings in a same sher. So its up to the reader to understand in a way you like.
Recent studies have shown that our brains are partitioned – you may like to hear/see only those things you may want to hear/see. So you may read or derive the meaning according to your taste. So it is you who will derive the meanings from more depth and analysis than a superficial and quickie reading, not the writer trying to force you to understand something.
I try to avoid words like overused words like jindagi in my ghazals.
hridaya sparsi cha, tara ke jindagi lai harne sabai nepali gajal kar ko sur ra bhab autai huncha ta?
nice kabita, and must be touchy for many.